Is your daddy coming? Yea he’ll be here. Good game son his father said to him. I stood in amazement picturing an invisible father saying those words to me simultaneously being quickly struck by melancholy. The disposition of my reality began to debilitate every fiber of my being. It was a long walk home talking to myself asking where is my dad? Tears falling down my face desperately wanting to hear “I’m proud of you son.”
I lived with that pain from a boy to a man. Having no one to explain life to me I became misunderstood by being misguided. Faltering between opinions, anger built up because I was a grown man still screaming at the top of my lungs, where the hell is my daddy? I need love! You’re suppose to be here to help me through life! Daddy you never protected me. They touched me and I was looking for you to save me.
Wait, I’m a man. There’s no way I should be acting like this. Pull it together and dry your face. But although I dried my face my heart was still wet with tears. Questions filled my mind. How can I dispel being under this fatherless curse by default? It wasn’t my fault.
Victimize by the habitual condition of my thoughts left me in a yesterday situation. I blamed my life on a man that knew nothing of my life. While immersed in pain I had to recognize that it made no sense yet hoping that he gave two cents.
What is becoming of my life? I’m homeless with a 10th grade education. I don’t have any help to accomplish my goals. Wait, I don’t have any goals. Is it possible for me to make it in a society that hates me because of the color of my skin? Can somebody please tell me where do I go from here? See daddy you failed me again!
STOP! Is what I told myself. This is your life and nobody can live it for you. How long will you talk about who wasn’t there? What matters is you being there for you. No one has to help you. Not even the seed you came from.
I blamed years of my life away being a man trapped with the view of a broken boys heart. At that moment the only person to blame was I. God had given me an opportunity to help someone, however, I was caught up in a self-centered depression.
My daddy was never suppose to be there because if it were so then he would have. Nonetheless, I did have a father and it was God. He was teaching me all the while and leading me on this journey. When my eyes were opened that’s when I noticed I had the victory. I had gotten my G.E.D, discovered and worked with some of the biggest talents within the music industry, I graduated from Morehouse College, Pledged Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity Inc, traveled all over the world, broke every male curse in my family and became a licensed minister.
Now I get called on to speak all over the country! If my dad were in my life I wouldn’t be the man I am today and will become. Not sure who I would have been but I am grateful for who I am now. The biggest victory of them all is, “I FORGIVE MY FATHER!” He did his job and that was to get me here. Wherever you are in this life know that I love you sir. It is my job is to do better. Be a victor and not a victim. To help others break and destroy the same yoke that attempted to strangle my destiny.
I encourage anyone out there to let go of the pain. Though it’s not easy it’s worth it for your sake. Let it go! Fatherless but the victory comes in your forgiveness and willingness to discover and achieve your purpose. Your pain is worth the promise...