So many people would say I wish I could be you. Your life just seem so easy with many men approaching you. If I look that good I’d never work a day in my life. When I’m around you I feel like a celebrity because of all the attention we get. While these things were being said on the surface, my soul was bleeding underneath.
The concentration of my life has always been the exterior. Having to maintain what people can see at the cost of neglecting what they could not. Behind the makeup I wanted to die!
You want to be me but do you know how many men I slept with because I was searching for the love my father never gave me? While you were playing with dolls, I was being molested and raped. My mother was blind by my beauty that she made me her competition and I wish she had listened. Momma, I need you so bad to be my mother and not my friend. I missed my period fell on deaf ears.
Pretty hurt him not me. He was everything in a man I ever needed and wanted but pretty gave me options. I wanted to marry this man but pretty had me greedy wanting more and more then one day I woke up in the wrong bed. He didn’t love me. I was looking for you while he was beating me. I knew that you would save me but nobody saved you from me. I’m sorry!
Why do you want to cut my face? I don’t even know you. You and all these women came to fight me because your man who I also don’t know likes me? Now I’m forced to live with scars.
My attitude was shaped by my life experiences. Shattered mirrors because of self hate and you want to be me?
Funny thing is I wanted to be me too but for image sake I had to be her. She never liked me and because she got the most attention that’s who I became. The makeup life was everything beautiful but nothing as what it seemed. It created a world of lies, deception, perception, manipulation, and self-mutilation prescribe by a prescription called “Façade at all cost!”
Today I take off the makeup to become me. I will lose some friends and sorry but I might just lose you as well. You liked what you saw but you never saw me. I was living in hurt for many years of my life. I wasn’t able to discover who I was underneath. As bad as I wanted someone to see my heart, I had to first see it and that was the only way healing was going to come about.
Here I stand barefaced accepting the woman I am. I made some mistakes and I hurt some people along the way. I forgive myself and I ask for forgiveness. In addition, I forgive those that caused me deep pain. I am not ashamed and I now know that I’m beautiful just as I am. This is the authentic truth of me.
This was written for all people and ages. You don’t have to hide anymore or be afraid. Everyone have his or her own story and I encourage you to BE FREE! Don’t live in bondage!
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